We answer your disability-related sex and relationship questions. This week: 1. visible vs. invisible disabilities; 2. why Jerry Lewis isn't funny; 3. the skinny on fat discrimination. Post your questions here.



Per this blog post, you can now view Accessible Intercourse with captions on YouTube. They're still working out the kinks, so the timing's off (if you can't stand it, the transcript's below), but you can check 'em out by clicking the triangle icon in the lower right of the YouTube window, and highlighting the "CC" icon.

TRANSCRIPT

Toshio: Are all disabled people oppressed equally?

Caitlin: No. No.

T: No.

C: Um -

T: Some disabilities you can completely get away with not showing them.

C: Exactly – a lot of disabilities are invisible. Some disabilities you don't even know are there. If you have an invisible disability it can even be kind of trickier in a lot of ways. Because people aren't going to be accommodating to you, or think you're faking. If you have an invisible disability, um -

T: It's harder for you to take advantage of all of those -

C: All of those perks.

T: [Laughs.]

C: All the privileges of being disabled.

T: Yep.

C: We have it so easy.

T: I know. You really do.

T: I recently saw the Jerry Lewis telethon, and wanted to support the cause, what are other charities that you recommend? For people who don't know, like, Jerry Lewis does a telethon, on what, PBS?

C: I don't know what it's on - I don't care. He's on a TV show every year, telethon, raising money for the MDA – muscular dystrophy association.

T: Able-bodies picking up phones, taking your donations.

C: And the MDA does good things, that's the thing, they do do good work, but Jerry Lewis is an abomination. He referred to people with disabilities as “half a person,” and said if you don't want to be pitied you should stay in your house. So, I do not support the MDA, and I will not support the MDA even though I have muscular dystrophy. I will not support that association until they get rid of Jerry Lewis, 'cuz he is so incredibly awful.

T: And he's not funny.

C: He's not funny. And another thing not even related to disability – he said women can't be funny. And the MDA is all about finding a cure for, a so-called cure for muscular dystrophy. You know what – instead of using that money to find a cure, use that money to help support people who are already disabled. Help them get accessible housing, help them get cars -

T: Get jobs...

C: Help them find employment.

T: Yeah, totally.

C: You know, that money can be used for the here and now, and not for finding a cure to eradicate people like us. There will always be disabled people. So, I think your heart was in the right place, but I think you can use that money for better causes.

T: Is obesity a disability?

C: There are ways to actually work with it, and counteract it. Not that I think there isn't extreme discrimination against people who are large and would technically I guess be considered obese. Like, there's a ton of discrimination. Is that a disability? I don't know.

T: Eh...

C and T: Eh...

C: Although, to be fair, some people have conditions that, like...

T: Right, thyroid...

C: Thyroid conditions, and stuff like that -

T: Sure.

C: Where they really can't – even if they're exercising and dieting they can't get down, so, that would be a disability. So I would say -

T: Counts!

C: What, counts?

T: Counts!

C: I would say maybe.

Here's to hoping the Accessible Intercourse epi below will be the last without, read: captions.

Google just announced that by the end of the week, it's gonna be easier than writing a half-assed blog post about closed captions to make any video featured on YouTube more accessible to people with hearing impairments.

Meanwhile, the Goog's making it harder and harder for me to care whether or not they're monopolizing the internet, the world, and beyond.

via NY Times

We answer your disability-related sex and relationship questions. This week: 1. would disabled people rather not be; 2. little people and regular, ol' sized babies; 3. whether handicapped bathroom stalls are handicapped exclusive. Post your questions here.



TRANSCRIPT

Toshio: Do disabled people wish that they were not disabled? That's a good question.

Caitlin: That is a good question. Uh...

T: What do you think?

C: I would say the majority of disabled people are cool with being disabled, and don't wish they were able-bodied.

T: Uh-huh.

C: I would say that there's a distinction in what you are wishing for. You might not want to wish you were able-bodied, but maybe you wish you could get into that bar easier, or you could, um, get a job easier without discrimination. So there are definite perks to being able-bodied that I think it's really natural to be envious about. But you don't necessarily want to be able-bodied – I don't.

T: Right, right. There are disabled people out there though, like Christopher Reeve, for example...

C: Yeah, he hated being disabled. He's, like, my least favorite person. But, um, and a lot of disability rights activists thought he was extremely dangerous to the disability rights movement. So, there are, sure, I mean -

T: There's a few bad apples...

C: Yeah, there's people who have a lot of internalized ableism.

T: Mm-hmm.

C: So, yeah, but I would say the majority are fine with being disabled. Good question.

T: Good answer.

C: Thank you.

T: Do little people always have little people babies?

C: No.

T: No.

C: No.

T: No, it's not true. And actually, like, even - I've seen – I don't know if you've ever seen that show “Little People Big World,” but they have -

C: Yeah, yeah.

T: ...some -

C: ...regular sized -

T: ...regular, ol', sized kids -

C: ...regular old, boring, normal kids.

T: In addition – yeah, totally.

C: No – I'm sure their kids are fine. I don't actually know their kids, so... But I think most little people actually end up having non-little people babies.

T: It's maybe, like, a genetic thing, like it's dominant?

C: I have no idea how it works.

T: Science!

C: I'm not Mr. Wizard, so go ask him. But no.

T: I always use the handicapped stall -

C: This is you -

T: ...and is this wrong.

C: You wrote this.

T: No, but I'm really interested in knowing the answer. I actually, personally, don't think it's wrong.

C: No, it's not wrong.

T: I think – I think you shouldn't take your time necessarily -

C: Those are sweet stalls -

T: Yeah, they're sweet stalls -

C: Those stalls are rad -

T: Yeah those stalls are huge, huge -

C: Yeah, well – if they're made properly.

T: Right.

C: Some of the so-called, you know, handicapped stalls are actually just tiny, and I don't know why they even bother -

T: Advertising them as such.

C: I can't even get in them. Yeah, exactly. But – no, those are sweet stalls, dude. Use them. Just don't use them when a disabled person needs them, that's all.

T: Don't shoot up in them, either.

C: No, don't do a lot of things – just go in there to use the bathroom, and that's it. Don't do anything else.

T: Agreed.

C: Alright. Agreed.

T: Glad we agree to agree.

We answer your disability-related sex and relationship questions. This week: 1. disabled porn; 2. the worst thing you can ask a disabled person; 3. Where's Lulu's official stance on sex surrogates. Post your questions here.



TRANSCRIPT

Toshio: Is there any disabled porn, and do you watch it?

Caitlin: [Laughs.] Um, is that for me or for you?

T: I don't know. Well, Anonymous didn't--

C: Didn't specify?

T: Yeah, didn't specify.

C: Yeah, of course there's disabled porn. There's porn for anything.

T: There's porn for everything.

C: For anything and everything. I'm not much of a porn-watcher, so no. You know, I'm sure there's good disabled porn out there, and I don't begrudge anyone...

T: Are there any websites you can recommend?

C: That are specifically disabled porn? I don't know any--

T: Yeah, like somebody who might want to sponsor this podcast.

C: [Laughs.] Yeah, if there are any good ones, I mean, and they're positive...

T: Send them to us. We want to know.

C: Yeah, if they're sex-positive, disability-positive – I don't see anything wrong with that.

T: OK.

T: What is the question that you least want to hear from an able-bodied person?

C: Oh, that's easy, and a good question. “What's wrong with you?”

T: What is wrong with you?

C: That's just rude, and intrusive, and annoying. So don't ask people that.

T: OK, so--

C: Let them – if they – I think a good thing to take away from this is if you're friends with a disabled person, or you're getting to know someone, let them tell you what they want you to know.

T: Right.

C: Let's all be a little more polite.

T: OK.

C: Good manners are highly underrated.

T: True that.

T: What's your opinion on sex surrogates?

C: We're getting a lot of sexy questions.

T: Yeah, I, um, so I don't actually know what a sex surrogate is. I've heard the term before – what is it?

C: OK. So, a sex surrogate is someone who is trained, and they are basically there to help guide disabled people to have sex. So there's people who -

T: Like, vocally, or...?

C: No, not vocally but – actually assisting in the process.

T: OK, physically.

C: So physically there, to help you have sex.

T: So can you guide us through a scenario?

C: So it would be someone that you were working with when you are with your partner, and you are in the mood, and they will be there to assist, you know, actually in getting 'er done.

T: OK – connecting the puzzle pieces.

C: Yeah, yeah.

T: Got it.

C: So was the question – what's your opinion on it? I think it's great.

T: OK.

C: I think it's great.

T: Thumbs up, sex surrogates.

C: Yeah – why not?

This week: 1. making out with deaf guys just because they're deaf; 2. disabled and pregnant?; 3. calling Dan Savage: defamation alternatives. Post your questions here.



TRANSCRIPT

Caitlin: What questions do we have?

Toshio: Well, we have one question, and it's from Gabby in Berkeley, California, and it says, "I made out with a deaf guy just to see if I could make out with a deaf guy, and is that wrong?"

C: OK.

T: It's a good question, and I have to say, I don't think that it's the worst thing that you could ever do.

C: No, and how does Gabby know that this deaf guy wasn't just trying to make out with a hearing girl?

T: That's true - he could've been playing the same thing on her, that she thought she was playing on him.

C: A lot of times I think the stigma that's attached to disability makes able-bodied people want you even more.

T: Just a little bit.

C: Because it makes it dangerous, and it's something you're not supposed to be attracted to…

T: It's something new.

C: …even though a lot of disabled people are super-attractive and sexy. Who knows what his intentions were. No. So the ultimate answer is no, it wasn't wrong.

T: It's fine - go for it.

C: It's fine, if he was cute, go for it. Who cares? I hope it was good.

T: Can a disabled girl have a baby?

C: Yes.

T: Yes. Yes. Have you seen it with your own eyes?

C: Yes, I have.

T: Well, then I guess there's proof.

C: [Laughs.]

T: I think it really depends on the disability that we're speaking about, so that's pretty general.

C: Right, I don't really know what that was in reference to, but yes, disabled women can have babies, for sure.

T: OK.

T: What's wrong with calling somebody a retard?

C: OK.

T: What is wrong with calling somebody a retard?

C: Um, it's really offensive.

T: I think it's pretty - I think it's considered - I wouldn't say that it's up there… Well, maybe it is - in terms of, like, the n-word and the r-word?

C: N-word…

T: How close?

C: You know, Dan Savage actually recently wrote something where he said that the word 'retard' wasn't as offensive as, you know, racial epithets, or, you know, gay slurs.

T: OK.

C: Which I disagree with. I think they are equally offensive. I think we're just not conditioned to put them on the same kind of level as those kind of slurs. It's just a really - I mean it's hateful, and it's just stupid, it's denigrating, and it's dismissive, and just come up with something a little more intelligent, that's all.

T: Like?

C: Like jagweed.

T: [Laughs.]

C: Or douchebag. Those are good words.

T: That is a good one. I use it often.

T: So creativity is key, is what you're saying?

C: Yeah, put a little creativity into your slurs. Make it interesting.